Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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