maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
So apparently I’m into choking now
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