Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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