3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I just found puke in my bra..
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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