He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
