this boner is exhausting
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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