Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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