This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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