I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Randomize
