Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
