I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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