Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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