I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
