It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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