WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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