so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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