Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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