ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
