We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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