I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
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