Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
