I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
