I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Everyone says I win the strip club
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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