I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
