I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
