JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
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Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
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I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
is that a dick in a sweater?
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