I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
