I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
