we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
