remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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