Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
