names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Randomize
