How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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