Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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