I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
