Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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