I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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