Please don't use social media to get back at me.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
