did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
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Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
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My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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