She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
We had sex on a dog bed..
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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