but the lizard people decide everything anyway
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
A+ Viking dick
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
This toilet bowl is my home.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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