Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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