Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
