I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
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