So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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