I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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