Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
