You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
