If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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