i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
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