So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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