It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
can u get pink eye on your cock?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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