I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
