Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
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