I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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