Joe is yelling at the trees again.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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