dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
