I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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