I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
