i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
