My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
