Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
