Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
