This girl is more easily done than said...
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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