There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
