no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
