she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
