if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
