Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
