oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
